literature

Epiphany of Student Drivers

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Epiphany of the Student Drivers
(A Parody of Sweeney Todd's "Epiphany")

The wheel was there beneath my hand,
it was there and it will never come again!
Easy now--hush, teen, hush--don't distress yourself; what's your rush?
Why didn't I wait? You told me to wait!
Now I'll never drive again!

The road is a hole like a great black pit
And the road's filled with people who are filled with shit,
And the vermin of the world inhabit it!
...but not for long...

We all are going to die!
Tell ya why, student drivers, tell ya why!
Because in all of the whole human race, student drivers,
There are two kinds of drivers and only two:
There's the ones that brake in the improper place,
and the ones that speed like they're in a race!
Look at me, student drivers, look at you!

No, we all are going to die!
Tell ya why, student drivers, tell ya why!
Because the drives of the wicked should be made brief!
For the careless, death will be relief!
We all are going to die!
And I'll never see graduation,
No I'll never wear a diamond ring...
FINISHED!

All right, number five, how about a drive?
If you're lucky, you'll come back alive!
But do
you know
the statistic, five*?
The screech of tires...
The stench of burning fuel...
The road will have YOU!

Hahahaha!
And we will all perish
even as we hope!
in the meantime
the road will devour
a dozen more!
Though you nearly have a permit...
And you'll never see a shiny license...
But the road waits...
It's a real killer--
And hungry for you!


*"five" refers to the statistic that one in five teenagers will die in a car accident
This is a parody I wrote while in Driver's Ed (OH THE HORROR!) It is written from the view of a student driver, a parody of the "Epiphany" from "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street." I do not own the song, nor the musical!

Please enjoy the insanity.
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